I Want

I want to sleep. I can't sleep because I have spent most of the weekend sleeping. And now I'm wide awake when I could be sleeping. And now I'm thinking when I could be sleeping.


I'm thinking about what I want. And I know what I want. I want the things that money can't buy. And these things are intangibles. They cost nothing, but are priceless. Beyond any Mona Lisa or A Thorn from The True Crown.

I want peace of mind. I want implacability. Steadfastness. Transcendence over whatever it is that is going out "out there". I want a feeling of the Universal, whatever that is, I want steadfastness, to stay on some course, any course that leads to something that is not found in any particular place or in any particular person or object. I want to be resolute in this pursuit and I want to be tolerant of anything or anyone that may appear to bar the way to a sense of the sacred. And I'm not talking about some particular brand of Jesus here. I'm talking about a sense of perfection that is rooted in the dissolution of expectation. In short, I want not to want. Not even to want to sleep, although it would be great that after writing this I could manage to get into bed and start sawing logs for the next 7 hours.